Discarded: Twins, mudroom scene

I did say I’d post the deleted stuff, even if they are embarrassingly awkward and confused… If only to say, “Hey look, I’m human.”

This is the second take on the scene. Some parts were salvageable, but only very little was kept. The final version can be found here: Priorities.

In my mind, Madrik’s personality changed completely by the end of this scene. I had him pegged as a bit of an air-head–still mostly a teenage boy–but he decided to mature a handful of years and have a solid base of purpose. I capitulated to his demands.
Also, I needed to bring Alex down from being a spoiled ice-princess; would have been far too stereo-typical.


His twin raked slim fingers through her black hair, pulling dripping strands out of her eyes, and blinked. “Tell me that again?”

Madrik shrugged, bringing one hand up to wipe the water off his face as he repeated his words.

Elegant black brows pinched together. Alex’s head tilted to the side, as she tried to piece together ‘Svorak’ and…

“The dragon,” she echoed slowly, “is sick.”

For a moment there, his sister sounded like Velik: clinical disbelief and incredulity in every nuance. She even had the twitching eyelid thing down perfectly, though the thinning of the lips and the way her sharp green eyes narrowed were all her own traits. Their senior classmate would have lifted a lip in a sneer and rolled his eyes.

“Well, not sick sick,” the younger twin tried to explain. “Just not–um–interested in being awake.”

One of her eyebrows slowly rose. “‘Not interested,’ you say.”


“Does this have anything to do with the etiquette lesson this afternoon?”

Madrik clamped his mouth shut, Svorak’s warnings ringing through his head. Cringing inwardly, the young man resigned himself to being tossed into the middle of the lake. It wasn’t like he could get any wetter than he was already, thanks to the storm outside.

Control the conversation, he says. I can do that much, right? Watching as his sister shook her head and scowled, Madrik had to admit that big blue and scaly was completely off the mark on that one.

“Well?” she demanded, then huffed when he maintained his silent fidgeting. “Fine,” Alex growled out, and her brother backed off a step as she abruptly brushed by him, leaving the room in a tightly controlled spin of damp blue wool and creaking white leather.

Maybe it hadn’t been a good idea to talk to her just after their dawn ride… She was far too prepared to return to the weather outside.

“Lex?” he called after her, skidding into the hallway, boots squeaking on waxed wood. He caught the edge of an irritated glare as Alex looked back at him, sharp profile silhouetted against the bright windows adorning the far wall.

“What?” she bit out, stopping to turn completely around.

Madrik threw his hands up between them, placating smile in place. “Change into dry clothing before you kill our only dragon?”

Cold green eyes narrowed at him, and his twin lifted her chin in haughty denial. “Why? So you can run off and warn him?”

“No,” he drawled, rolling his eyes. His sister could play the daunting warrior princess up to the ears for all he cared; however, her health was another matter. “I’m suggesting it because we just came in from being drenched to the skin in cold water. It’s still pouring out there.”


A/N: At this point, I threw my hands up in the air, transferred this into notepad, and started again.


About azhwi

An editing student, graduated Feb 2012. An avid fan of video games, fanfiction, anime, writing, and the serial comma.
This entry was posted in Azhrei, Discards, Fiction, Svorak, Writing and tagged , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

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